In this video Dr Ashish talks about anger one feels during their fertility journey.

Video Transcript

Hi there, Dr. Ashish, again, again, on a Wednesday 12pm live amongst you. My name is Dr. Ashish. And from Ashishveda fertility, I support women going through fertility issues, fertility struggles, they’re trying to get pregnant haven’t been able to get pregnant for a long time.

And I normally get patients, clients who have complex histories who have got a number of issues, and have been going through this journey for a long time. And fertility journey for those who haven’t managed to get pregnant in the first year, or first two years of unprotected sex is and can be sometimes very long. And there are a number of emotions that go through, when you have a number of emotions that you have that you come across within yourself when you’re going through fertility journey. So through these lives, especially the ones I do on Wednesday, I try, I’m trying to take one emotion and just talking about it, discussing it openly, so that we can have a conversation we can have a discussion about, we can do something about and then not suffer in silence. Because fertility journey itself is a lonely pursuit for most women, even with the most attentive and most loving and caring partners, they still find themselves lonely. And I’ve spoken about that in the previous conversation as well. So today, it’s about anger, the anger that you might find emerging in you when you are going through fertility issues, and this anger will come and perhaps not always, but most likely, if you have been on this journey for a long time, then you will come across this emotion of anger at some point. Now anger can be for some people, they express anger for some people, they repress anger, they are not showing it but anger is there. They’re just in denial that no I’m not angry by saying that anger doesn’t go away. So what can you do if you’re a woman trying to get pregnant and you are feeling angry about certain things, how the, you know, the whole journey has panned out for you. This is not what you planned for, this is not what you thought was going to happen with you, whether you’re going through natural fertility journey yourself, and you are not pregnant yet you cannot, you know, find a reason for yourself. Or if you’re going through IVF and there are a number of things that keep being thrown at you, medically, the number of tests you’re going through all these tests and there are no answers many times and then you find yourself this you know, anger within you anger, you could be angry on doctors, you could be angry on yourself, you could be angry on your within you, you could be angry at your body for failing you for not being able to conceive, you could be angry at the people who do not understand your situation do not understand how, what is happening to you. You could be angry with your partner, perhaps the delayed the process, the number of reasons and everybody’s journey is unique. So what do you share with me also, I would love to hear from you your story if if this is something you feel, you know, this emotion very, very strongly within you then and are not able to even manage this emotion on top of your fertility journey. So what can we do the the idea of by discussing me here is what can we do about it, finding solutions, finding answers, even tiny bit of help is a help when it’s in the right direction. So, my top three things that I would recommend that I use with my clients, when they are going through fertility issues and we have these mindset training sessions. We have these yoga sessions we have these fertility meditation sessions. Within all of those we explore the this emotional side of your fertility journey. So anger, what are the three things that you can do for yourself? Number one is to breathe very obvious, but may not be that obvious for you. Perhaps you never realised that when you’re angry, you’re not breathing very well. You’re breathing very shallow in and sometimes people find it difficult to breathe. They’re so angry, they’re finding it difficult to breathe. So first thing is to breathe. You don’t have to learn any specific method. If you’re very new to breath work or you don’t know anything about breath work. Then just simply taking a deep breath in and do breath that taking a deep breath in and a deep breath out.

If you can do it in a quiet space, if not just a quiet spot if you are in an office environment or in an environment where you cannot do it separately. So Breathing deep, is the first step, when you are feeling this emotion within you. Number two is to acknowledge it, to name it, to realise that you are angry to say it to yourself, you write, you can write it down, you can share it, if you come to that point that you go to a counsellor and you share it with somebody counsellor, or psychotherapist. Or you share it with the practitioner like myself sharing it, you can write it down, but naming it naming it very clearly for yourself that I feel angry about this particular thing within your fertility journey that I’m not able to have this appointment yet. I went to the appointment, but it was cancelled or I went to the appointment and doctor didn’t show up, or my body is not responding to the drugs that they’re giving me if you’re going through IVF. So name it very, very specifically name it. And number third, is to do something about it in the positive direction how to deal with anger constructively, yeah, you can have anger that can be destructive. And it is of no help. Eventually, you can feel very angry, feel all the rage, and then destroy things that you were meant to go for an appointment or a therapy and you didn’t go and whose loss it was eventually would be yours. So that can be a destructive anger. And sometimes we all go through that destructive anger. I’m not saying that everybody is perfect, rather not. And then there is constructive anger, you have this feeling you have named it, you acknowledge it? What are you going to do about it? Every small little step in the positive direction. So you’re angry that your body is whatever that may be specifically to do with fertility that your appointment has been delayed? Okay, what is it that you can do about it? Yeah, that positive step two, once you have acknowledged that emotion is a step that is taken in the right direction, and then you know that you are doing whatever is possible in your power to resolve that issue because of which you feel angry. Yeah, there are still going to be those scenarios where things are going to go out of hand, you are not going to be able to control the situation, you’re not going to be able to have the outcome that you want, there are going to be those situations. But what is that small step that you can take to feel that you have done something to be able to move forward to be able to have the outcome that you want. So number one is breathing, breathing deeply in and out. And you can do this right at the time when you’re feeling that anger. Or you can do it another time as well as a practice also. Number two is naming it writing it down acknowledging it, journaling it number three is the step that you are going to step or the steps that you’re going to take to do something about it whatever trivial however small that step may be how trivial in you know childish showcase, that step may feel like to you but a small step that you take in the right direction. So those are the three main things and overall about anger if if you are on if you are somebody who have been trying to get pregnant for a while it hasn’t happened you feel this emotion then then realising that they are you somebody who is used to suppressing your anger you don’t acknowledge it, you deny it or use somebody who does that. Or you are someone who does acknowledge it, but doesn’t know what to do for that

I’ve given those three steps but if you are someone who’s in denial and suppressing and no I don’t have the anger No, it’s okay. Then to acknowledge this is the first step for you to realise that No, I do feel angry. But what I’m gonna do about it, yeah, so it is it is okay to feel emotions we are human. That’s what makes us human and alive is that we can feel these emotions and but what and how you can resolve these emotions so that you can move forward in the right direction because anger sucks. Anger is still anger, it will make you sick, it suppresses the immune system. And we have got all these. This is all shown by research, it is evidence based discussion that I’m talking about here. So suppressing your anger, you suppress your emotion, you still have that pent up energy which is inside of you, you haven’t released it, you haven’t done anything about it. And that will not help eventually overall in your fertility journey overall with your mind as well. So rather than just being angry, and being angry, in, in effect, or in a rage, doing something about that anger is what is going to move you forward in your fertility journey. And if you find that you need someone, a practitioner, a therapist, a counsellor psychotherapist, somebody to help you to support you, then do reach out if my words aren’t good for you, and you want to reach out, reach out to me or reach out to somebody who you trust, but can help you with this. Just being angry on your own or not doing something about it. It is not going to be helpful when you’re trying to get pregnant and trying to have healthy hormones. So thank you for listening, and everybody who’s listening and watching. And please share I always say this and keep saying this, please share this with those who might need to hear this information. If you have a platform, you want to share it feel free to share it. You can get in touch if you’re trying to get pregnant or you know somebody who’s trying to get pregnant and they are going through this whole lot more emotions as well. Not just only anger than to pass my details on to them. Thank you so much and I will see you on Saturday.